Perspective

One of the common themes that occurs in coaching conversations is that of perspective. It’s easy to see why.  When people reach out to a coach or a mentor they often want a different perspective on whichever issue they have committed to resolve.  Coaching can help clients to see things differently and a good coach is able to ask questions that facilitate this.  It’s all about perspective.

I was reminded of this last week when we took a family trip to the observatory at Jodrell Bank. The main attraction is the Lovell Telescope, an incredible feat of ingenuity and engineering.  Of course it has to incredible because, after all, it is an integral part of Manchester University’s attempt to play its part in unlocking the mysteries of the universe.  So it’s massive.  Huge.  People visit and stand before it like the monument of science, physics and astrology that it is.  I know this to be true; I did exactly that.

And it was with reverential tones that others spoke of the telescope’s size.  Children exclaimed and read aloud signs that proclaimed how many double decker buses could fit inside the giant bowl pointing at the sky.  Throughout the whole of the viewing area hushed voices delighted when the enormous structure started to turn, to move, to track who knows what however many eons away.

But of course, this is just one possible perspective.  It’s all too easy to fall into line and see what others see, or to observe what you are expected to observe, and to say the right words in the right tone of voice.  Shift your perspective and it’s plain to see how absurd the whole place is: there is a sign when you enter that asks the reader to consider the age of the universe, some 14 billion years.  In the face of such information the telescope is insignificant; it’s a speck so infinitesimally small that it is ridiculous to suggest otherwise.  Indeed, it is only by acknowledging the absurdity of a tiny metal structure pointing at the stars that the value of the work completed there is brought into focus.  The brilliance of the place lies in the fact that it reminds us all that our perspectives are human, they are fallible, sometimes broken, and often just the result of accepting things at face value.

Through coaching conversations clients have the time, space and opportunity to evaluate the things that they are  currently accepting without question.  Coaching works because it utilises the skills of the coach in bringing into a different focus whatever issue is besetting the client. Coaching works because, like the wonder that is the Lovell Telescope, the answers are less important that the willingness to ask the right questions.

If you’d like to discuss how coaching can be of benefit in your life, you can get in touch.  I’d love to hear from you.  You can click here to find out more.

 

Happiness Coaching

As a teacher I spend a lot of time with students encouraging them to reflect on their ambitions.
As a Happiness Coach the process is equally fulfilling. I’ve worked with countless adults who want to change, but don’t know where to start.

If you’d like to implement change in your life and would benefit from someone to help you to do so, then I’d love to hear from you.

You can click here.

 

Excellence

Excellence.

Until recently I thought that it was a word that could not be applied to me.  I could only use it when talking about others.

One day I was asked by someone, as part of a development exercise, to make a list of the things that I had done with my life that could be seen as personal achievements. With a sharp intake of breath I wrote: a happy marriage; two beautiful children; several degrees; a professional career… I stopped in embarrassment. Mine was a positive list of treasures and I felt shallow and self-absorbed to be nothing other than delighted with how my first forty years had panned out. Why then did I not feel qualified to use the E word?

And then it hit me. Those were things that I had accomplished in spite of myself.  My general frame of mind was far from excellent and my previous lifestyle choices and behaviours were not conducive to achieving anything other than an expanding waistline, problematic health and a general feeling that I did not have a grip on myself and my life. To an outsider the outcomes may have appeared successful, but I knew the process was haphazard, patchy, frustrating, and in many respects characterised by self-sabotaging behaviours. My habits were far from excellent and any success that I’d had felt superficial. I’d never really put everything on the line in the pursuit of excellence and I felt like I could give and achieve so much more with a better philosophy.  More importantly, I was far from being happy and this affected every facet of my life including my relationships.

I did something about it; I had to.  When the wheels come off you’ve only two choices: denial or growth.

Through relentless reading, listening, talking and learning I came to realise that personal excellence occurs when goals, attitudes, mindsets and behaviours are aligned.  You can’t fake personal excellence.  This is where I’d had it all wrong: my ‘excellence’ was an act and not a habit.

I came to realise that personal excellence is the grind, the work, the slog.  It’s far from glamorous and it’s never the outcome, it’s the habitual routine. I’m never going to be the world record holder for the marathon, but I can still work hard to become the best runner that I can be; the best teacher that I can be; the best parent that I can be; and the best version of myself that I can be.  This is my understanding of personal excellence: when you’ve risked it all, when you’ve made the sacrifice, when you’ve learned from your mistakes and when you’ve, in the words of Pindar, ‘exhausted the limits of the possible’. It may be cliched, but it really is all about the habit.

In 2015 I decided to make the effort to help others wherever I could.  My aim then (as now) is to reach out to people who feel they would benefit from help to unleash their potential, set free their ambition, and liberate the best version of themselves.  I’ve always approached teaching children in this way.  It is an honour to be able to help others to realise that the most significant barriers to success are most often fictional – unhelpful stories that they and others have repeatedly articulated.  The status quo is always a flimsy narrative.

This blog attempts to capture what I learn along the way.

If, like me, you want to #BeHappier, I’d love to hear from you.  You can click here to find out more.

I am the problem…

Driving home from work today, I made the classic M60 mistake: I blamed the traffic for the fact that I wasn’t moving forward. Nothing particularly remarkable about that; most of us have done it from time to time.  Blaming traffic can be a morning workplace conversation ritual, and it can similarly bracket the other end of the working day.  It’s easy to do so.  It’s easy because it requires no thought to blame the traffic and it conveniently places culpability for the problem elsewhere: traffic is never inside the car.  It’s always outside and it’s always other people. 

I’ve coached and mentored many teachers, professionals and students.  They want to improve some aspect of their performance.  I can help them.  What these conversations often have in common is their initial and mistaken assumption that the answer to sustained improvement lies elsewhere.  Like the traffic, if only conditions improved then the journey would be easier.  It’s the easy solution and it’s a tempting trap to fall into.  It’s the school that defensively points to its intake as a reason for inadequate outcomes; it’s the runner who mistakenly blames the conditions for underperformance; and it’s the student who claims that the dog feasted on the homework.

Coaching and mentoring opens up people to the idea that whatever problem is besetting them lies within.  It’s often not a comforting thought and requires a degree of resilience to be able to see this for the first time.  But, perhaps more comfortingly, the solution also resides in hearts and minds; we simply need to make the imaginative leap to see things from a different perspective.

Try it.  Next time you are stuck in traffic, imagine the scenario from someone else’s perspective.  Us, our journey, our cars are as much a part of the problem as the one in front and behind.  It’s all too tempting to allow the literal constraints of the car dictate the limits of thought: if only all these other people had made their journey at a different time – I’d be moving freely.  Of course, the real nature of the problem lies inside each and every car.  Mine and yours included.

Of course, it’s simplistic to say that every problem can be solved, or that any issue can be resolved simply by changing perspective.  We are infinitely more complicated than a busy motorway.

But it’s not simplistic to suggest that we are always in control of our reactions and our intentions.

Once we admit that, our minds opens up to possibilities and solutions. Admitting that we are often the problem, is the first step in finding an enduring solution.

If you feel that you could benefit from Happiness Coaching, click here.  I’d love to hear from you.